I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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