his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
