all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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