I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
