her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize