he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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