so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
