this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
