thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
