sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
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