I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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