mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
