If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
