Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize