u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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