I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
