i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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