we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
