ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
