OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
