the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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