My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize