conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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