You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
