Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
