all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize