How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
This is not my ceiling
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
