he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
