I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
