there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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