I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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