so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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