My hand turned me down
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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