does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
