What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
