I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Sorry my hands just texted you
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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