Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
