You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
