On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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