if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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