Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
