I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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