she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
