Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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