member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
