dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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