mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
