His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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