Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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