my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize