Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize