on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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