singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
