i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
