Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
smell my finger.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
