the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
