I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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