You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
