Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
