even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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