I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
