just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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