I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
