All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
