How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
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