I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
