anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
