I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
