Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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